Found about 1,000 eggs already. Not sure why I’m being escorted out of the grocery store.
Found about 1,000 eggs already. Not sure why I’m being escorted out of the grocery store.
Even if you’re feeling bad, remember that the very act of feeling is both the greatest, and most unlikely, occurence in the entire universe.
What’s it called when you repeat the words “ad” and “nauseum” over and over?
I would rather cut off fourteen inches of my penis than lie to impress a girl.
In 50 years, a lot of kids cleaning out their dead grandmother’s closets are gonna find old Girls Gone Wild t-shirts.
I hope people who believe in astrology aren’t allowed into Heaven, because I don’t want to spend Eternity with gullible people.
I hate when someone judges you on something superficial like what kind of music you like, especially if it’s some dick in an Ed Hardy shirt.
How come you’re responsible if you do your taxes in March, but I’m crazy when I do my trick-or-treating in September?
When someone offers you a penny for your thoughts, you should counter with a billion dollars… then hopefully you can meet in the middle.
If you draw a bunch of X’s on the ground, every once in a while a lazy pirate will bury his gold under one of them.
